I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
