Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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