I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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