I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
