Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
