Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
