dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
