dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
