If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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