Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
