I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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