Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
