Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize