If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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