Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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