If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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