Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
