I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
