Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
