Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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