You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
