I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
