I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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