I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
