you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
