I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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