Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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