i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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