So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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