I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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