First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
