When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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