if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
