You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize