Pants 0. Shit 1.
Its about making memories worth repressing
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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