Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
