I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
