i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
