Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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