Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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