She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
