Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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