apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
