Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize