those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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