I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
