I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
