My Higher Power is John Stamos
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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