he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
