I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
