I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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