I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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