so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
