On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize