I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize