I must be too annoying 4 u.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
