I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
