i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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