Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
