What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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