Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
