Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
