The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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