Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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