Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize