Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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