Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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