Farmville is her only friend.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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