3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
