At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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