Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
