You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
vagina is talking i cant
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
