thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
