I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
