So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
