I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
