So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
