you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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