i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
