she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
