you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize