in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
my being single is dangerous.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
