I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
