Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
