As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
