She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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