also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
