Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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