i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
