somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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