I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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