I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize