why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
