I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
