What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
