there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
