I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
two words...techno handjob
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
