I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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