I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize