i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
