I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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