Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
