Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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