hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
