It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
