don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
