I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
