In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
