I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
