did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
