Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
