Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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