I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
