i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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