No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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