You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
