I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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