Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
