i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
