During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize