You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
