we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize