your room smells of hookers.
And success
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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